Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
