dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
