Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
