You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
