The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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