Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
