I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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