On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
