She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
