i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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