wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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