I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
