I just threw up on my dentist
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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