Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
