haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
