She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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