My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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