dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
