Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
