your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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