His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
