Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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