so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
