did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
