Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
