Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
