I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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