She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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