seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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