Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
