I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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