I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
