If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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