His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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