I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
