I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
