My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
