I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My hand turned me down
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
