I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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