Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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