He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
