Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
