Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
