they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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