i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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