so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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