I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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