Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
