I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
