Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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