lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
